By PDA parent Rachel Duda
"Today is my son, 21st birthday! I am truly amazed at how far he has come, and it heartens me to know that the choices I made while raising him were the right ones for him. On this special day, I want to give all of you some reassurance.
"When my son was small, he, like so many of your children, was physically aggressive and out of control. I had no idea what to do because rewards and punishments had no impact on his behavior. I had to find another way.
"Low-demand parenting is a new concept…but I was using these kinds of techniques 15 years ago, without even realizing that was what I was doing.
"Many people told me I would regret my choices, and that my son would end up being a spoiled, entitled brat who would be reliant on me for the rest of his life.
"But guess what? Parenting him the way I did had just the opposite effect.
"Low-demand is not the same as permissive parenting. Low-demand parenting (in my estimation) is about giving your child the kind of support they need and setting them up for success by having only few simple rules that are clearly stated, but at the same time teaching them about the expectations of the world and helping them develop coping strategies for when they are not at home.
"To all of you who have dealt with naysayers, I'm here to say that PDA kids do have the capacity to learn healthier behaviors and responses, and the way to help them get there looks very little like traditional parenting.
"It's important to keep reminding ourselves that their drive for autonomy isn't about defiance, and they aren't misbehaving to get a rise out of us. They're trying to tell us something they don't know how to express. I'm so glad I figured that out along the way.
"Because of the way I raised [my son], he has grown up to be a kind-hearted, patient, and independent young man. He has a small group of friends and a sweet girlfriend he has been seeing for 1.5 years. He's relatively happy and well-adjusted. Even better, he has no concept of how toxic shame feels because I never shamed him for being who he is."