So much advice on PDA centers around young kids, but the principles of low-demand and collaboration are supportive for older PDA relationships as well.

The following is the testimony of an anonymous PDA USA member who is in the process of rebuilding with her adult PDA son:

"I did all the wrong things in raising my 42-year-old son, because he was a child when autism was not diagnosed in smart kids, and he is brilliant. I was told he was ODD and to implement strict rules and schedules, and to use rewards and punishments. And you all know how horrible that advice was.

"He has severe PTSD from his dad's physical abuse, before we were able to escape, and a lot of resentment towards me for the way I parented. So a year ago late spring, I started having symptoms of what was eventually diagnosed as ALS, and he got very angry and accused me of faking the symptoms. When I did get diagnosed, he raged at me so severely that I did not feel safe. Then he cut me off.

"He somehow convinced himself that it was not safe to shower (he lives in his own apartment) because of his own health issues, so he had not showered in over a year. He eventually responded to my overtures, and we have been talking and spending some time together, and today he took a shower at my house, so I could help him if he felt light headed.

"I have been using all the ideas suggested in this group for getting a PDA child to do self care, and it worked. I am so happy that he showered, and have no one to share it with. And then I remembered all of you. Hopefully he will continue to shower here occasionally, but over a year of grime is off his body. And he felt safe."

Thank you, anonymous, for sharing your story with us!

To readers: It's never to late to learn what may help in broken relationships with PDA family. They may or may not offer the opportunity, but as parents, friends, and extended famliy, can do our part and try to reflect on how to do better should we be given the chance.