I’m just now realizing that it’s worth so much to prevent meltdowns.

I’m finally feeling like I have some control of the situation and how the day goes. I had to open myself to any possibilities, that she might need me to go to the store or take her places and things like that.

I accepted that I will do my best to accommodate her with all those demands to allow her to feel safe, even if it means I will be inconvenienced, and I will have to change the way I do things and be very flexible with my other demands, such as running errands.

 I walked into her room and usually she’s on the phone with her friends and she tells me to leave or stop bothering her, but today she told them, hey you all it’s my mommy! Her favorite thing to do is lay by me on the couch and watch her favorite shows.

I think in my head, the loss of autonomy for me was so difficult that I fought with her to maintain control, it was all a power struggle. I resisted her tendencies of ‘bossing me around’ because it’s only normal to want to feel in control as an adult and as a parent.

But I realized that it makes me feel useful to help my daughter, and I’m starting to feel a bond between us.

I’m helping her.

- "C.M."

By PDA parent Rachel Duda

"Today is my son, 21st birthday! I am truly amazed at how far he has come, and it heartens me to know that the choices I made while raising him were the right ones for him. On this special day, I want to give all of you some reassurance.

"When my son was small, he, like so many of your children, was physically aggressive and out of control. I had no idea what to do because rewards and punishments had no impact on his behavior. I had to find another way.

"Low-demand parenting is a new concept…but I was using these kinds of techniques 15 years ago, without even realizing that was what I was doing.

"Many people told me I would regret my choices, and that my son would end up being a spoiled, entitled brat who would be reliant on me for the rest of his life.

"But guess what? Parenting him the way I did had just the opposite effect.

"Low-demand is not the same as permissive parenting. Low-demand parenting (in my estimation) is about giving your child the kind of support they need and setting them up for success by having only few simple rules that are clearly stated, but at the same time teaching them about the expectations of the world and helping them develop coping strategies for when they are not at home.

"To all of you who have dealt with naysayers, I'm here to say that PDA kids do have the capacity to learn healthier behaviors and responses, and the way to help them get there looks very little like traditional parenting.

"It's important to keep reminding ourselves that their drive for autonomy isn't about defiance, and they aren't misbehaving to get a rise out of us. They're trying to tell us something they don't know how to express. I'm so glad I figured that out along the way.

"Because of the way I raised [my son], he has grown up to be a kind-hearted, patient, and independent young man. He has a small group of friends and a sweet girlfriend he has been seeing for 1.5 years. He's relatively happy and well-adjusted. Even better, he has no concept of how toxic shame feels because I never shamed him for being who he is."